I sigh heavily as I take a seat at the bar, the beer in the bottle held in my hands empty within minutes of ordering it. I wait for the bartender to remove himself from the redhead at the end of the bar to offer me up another liquid escape. I don’t rush him, I revel in this feeling of aloneness that I never feel under Kelly’s suffocating presence. I wait as he takes his time in walking over my way, I take my time in asking him for another helping. As he turns around grabbing hold of my request and sliding it on the bar in front of me, I take the opportunity to breathe. I breathe in so deeply I wonder when last it was that my lungs felt so free to move, so able to regulate themselves without me having to tell them to do so. Then I remember, this morning. Once she was gone, taking her constrictive nature with her, they expanded and retracted as if they were meant to. I grab the bottle from the bar’s counter top and lift myself from the barstool. I take one last deep breath, hoping it will last me until I make another escape. I look at the table awaiting me as I make my way from the bar. I try not to let the frown so ready to take over my face show as my eyes land on Kelly. I try to focus my attention on the two other occupants at that table. I try to focus on the reason for my being there. But, somehow Kyla and Glen can’t hold my attention for long, because all too soon my attention, once again, falls on my dread. And I wonder why I invited her. I wonder why I’m even still with her when she makes me feel nothing but empty.
I hear a shriek come from behind me and I smile. I welcome it, because this shriek, this unbelievably welcome intrusion into my personal life means a delay in my arrival. It means it’s that much longer before I have to face that table and the one person I can’t be around yet can’t remove from my life. So, I face the intrusion. I face the eager girl and her too skinny of a male companion. I face this rare occurrence of fan girl behavior in this city of overly present celebrities.